Digging Out From Under the Stress Avalanche: Four Quick and Easy Stress Management Strategies

Stress can trigger an avalanche when one or more bad situations cause you to lose track of other areas and they come cascading down on top of you. Here's how to dig out.

We have all been there. You have a huge project or deadline at school or work, or car trouble, or you or your roommate or your child is sick, or a friend or parent is in crisis… You can probably handle these situations if they are kind enough to line up and present themselves one at a time. But what happens when multiple stressors pile on? You might notice yourself sweating, your heart beating faster, your mind going in panicked circles, your productivity cratering. And then your “inner commentator” chiming in with contempt for how badly you are handling things (Thanks IC. Love you!).

Stress can be a particularly vicious cycle when one or more bad situations cause you to lose track of other areas of your life, which then themselves become additional crises. Believe me, I know. When I was going through a divorce with a newborn infant and a two-year-old, I ran out of gas one day and another day came out to a dead car battery because my sleep-deprived mind didn’t notice my young son left an overhead light on the day before. In normal times, those things would be annoyances and would not have even happened because I would have had more attention available for car “details”. At that time, they felt like much more than annoyances. They felt like the straws that were about to break this camel’s back. When you are climbing the Mount Everest of Stress, adding even small extra weights to your pack can make your knees buckle.

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Of course we also know that stress can interfere with our sleep, suppress our immune system, push us towards making poor food and health choices (a bowl of ice cream or a few drinks to “take the edge off” and then a few more?), etc.. Aaaaaad these things are all interrelated and can occur in a disastrous stress avalanche.

OK, I’ll stop. I’m probably stressing you out just talking about all of the problems associated with stress. If you are currently lying under the rubble of the stress avalanche, you may, quite reasonably, be asking why I am not yet telling you how to dig yourself out.

So, let’s get digging! There are lots of ways to do this, so you can try out a variety of methods and see what works best for you.

Find what you are doing right.

Notice it and write it down. Perhaps a Daily “I Rocked It” Journal entry? Or a daily “wins update” you text a friend? This will help shift your focus to your strengths and achievements so you can build on them and reassure yourself of your competence (building up what psychologists call your self-efficacy, or faith in your own effectiveness). A positive focus can become a habit. Chances are, you are skipping right over your accomplishments and focusing your attention on your fumbles. For me, looking back on the time of my divorce, I beat myself up for the car troubles and didn’t give myself credit for continuing to do good work as a professor and for providing my son with lots of affection, healthy meals, and educational activities. I mean, I could have phoned it in as a teacher and had Leo eating a diet of Pop Tarts, but I aimed higher. I wish I had patted myself on the back for that at the time (but hey, better late than never, right? I’m heartily patting my own back now to make up for lost time).

Befriend yourself.

Are you telling yourself that you’re an idiot, a screw-up, lazy, worthless, or some other ridiculous pejoratives? Maybe whipping yourself into a productive frenzy with insults has paid off for you in the past, but it does damage every time you do it. Just. Stop. You can talk back to your nasty “inner commentator” by engaging in (fancy psych term alert) reframing. Reframe your negative thoughts to be more kind, balanced, and realistic. Talk to yourself the way a good friend would, with a healthy balance of kindness, encouragement, and accountability. With repetition, you can change your IC from a bully to an upbeat coach.

Let yourself off the hook.

A psychology researcher I really admire, Kristen Neff, promotes self-compassion. This does not involve making excuses for yourself, indulging in your seventh donut, or other forms of self-sabotage. In many ways, it is an extension of being a good friend to yourself. You think realistically about what you are up against. You can acknowledge your own limitations. But then you let the negativity go, forgive yourself, and give yourself a metaphorical or actual hug. You express love towards yourself regardless of your recent actions, situations, flaws. Research shows that this approach actually helps people bounce back quickly from mistakes and get back to work and get more done.

Lean on a friend.

While you are learning to be a good friend to yourself, let someone else show you how it's done. Psychologists tout the importance of your social support network. Consider whether you need a sympathetic ear, some inspo, help making a plan, some resource referrals, a small loan, or a good laugh, and place your calls accordingly. One of my best friends, Jake, always has six jokes at the ready and can make me laugh until my side hurts. My life partner is Mr. Logistics and I can always count on him to allow me a brief self-pity party, but then to move me along to making a plan, referring me to the right resources (a good plumber, accountant, insurance agent), and lending a hand. Don’t cop out by saying you “don’t want to be a burden.” Life is all about fellowship and intimacy and our bonds with others are forged and strengthened when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and authentic and share one another’s struggles and load. Your relationships will be stronger for the occasional calls for help as well as the times when you offer help in return.

Many of these strategies take only a few moments and will make a big difference in your outlook, energy, and problem-solving ability. So grab a shovel and spend a few minutes digging yourself out from under the stress avalanche. You will be glad you did!

This article originally appeared on Substack.